Taking Control (Or losing it)
Coming into this project I really did't know what to expect. All I knew is that this is a great opportunity for something big in my life and would do anything I could to make it happen. Well, it happened so, what then? Well now its time to work hard and achieve my goals, but what are they exactly? I wasn't sure to be honest and in the beginning the project had no direction and neither did I.
Give me 20k to play poker with and ship me to a mansion on a paradise island with 6 other people all living the same experience. I guess I got caught up in the moment and while I was on the island for the first 2 months of the project I can see now that I never fully committed myself to any sort of direction. Was I here to become a streamer and an online content creator? Was I here to grind my ass off and be the best poker player I can become? Do I want to be an ambassador for the game and encourage new players? Am I building life long friendships and a foundation for my future in the poker community? Either way, not having a clear understanding of my direction and goals definitely affected how I acted towards this "opportunity," because I didn't know what I wanted.
Trying to do all-of-the-above simultaneously takes away from focusing on one of them to maximize my full potential. Training to become a full time professional grinder is one of the toughest undertakings I have ever attempted, especially mixed in with a disoriented vision and trying to learn, in a sense, how to be a completely other person entirely. I never streamed before this, poker was a hobby and passion, I was never a social media person as well, now all of a sudden I am doing everything all at once and it feels like I'm half achieving in all of them. So I drank and gambled, and basically would self sabotage myself as not to have any responsibility.
I have now come to learn that, no matter what I thought back then, it's time to take control of me. Be the best version of myself I can possibly become, everything else is just noise and trivial. I'm so fortunate that I don't need to do this alone and I have the support of "Team Thirst Lounge" my second family.
Poker has so little to do with actually playing poker and more about taking control of your own life, your own luck, and your own destiny. I'm ready to take full control and responsibility of my actions and I'm ready to forgive myself for any mistakes I have made along the way. I'm ready to meet me.