Updated: Aug 20, 2019
My whole life I always felt like I was doing things for someone else, not giving myself full priority and attention for what I wanted in life. When I was 12 my family opened their first business, a Mediterranean Restaurant and what attention my parents gave to me back then (being a little brat) was now shifted to their new full time responsibilities that also become mine. At first it was fun for me to wash dishes and eat high quality food everyday but all I really wanted to do was play video games and hang out with my friends. By the time I was 17 I was working there full time and going through my last year of high school. I would go to school all day then come home for a shower to then go to the shop by 5pm to open dinner service by 6pm and finish at 11pm (longer on weekends) to then repeat this cycle everyday. Of course my grades and study were decreasing but its not like I wanted to be a doctor anyway. After graduating high school it was great cause I had a job but no real direction and within a year we walked out of the business and my parents had a new venture in mind, but what would i do now? Would I just take over the family business? I have all the skills now to run and manage a restaurant but is it what i really want from my life? I decided to go and study Audio Engineering in a different town called Byron Bay (about 1 hour drive south of where my family lived) to pursue my musical endeavors and learn to grow up on my own. Wait!! My parents are opening another business?? Yes, this is number 3, they sold number 2 and went on a vacation but on their return they had big plans again and needed my help to do so!!!! So I helped set up their new cafe where I would be the full time barista. Now I was living two lives, trying to study as an audio engineer and running a cafe with my family, commuting daily over 2 hours!! This is worse then high school. I was also in a band playing gigs every other weekend and finding times to rehearse. We were going to be rock-stars, of course. In all honesty though life was great and I really enjoyed my life like never before, but again that over hanging sensation that i was doing things for other people constantly. Working for my parents, rehearsing with the band when it suited them, playing music they liked, now all of a sudden I didn't even care about my studies or myself I was always in this weird duel of pleasing others and half attempting to achieve anything for myself. However it was in this moment, in all of this mess, I found poker. My room mate and I deposited some money into poker stars and became instantly hooked, even if i saw the potential in becoming a pro and working hard for it I still didn't give myself the time of day, everyone else's needs were more important and i was too selfish to focus on my own, or at least that's what I told myself. All of that, most of my life has been one giant excuse. An excuse not to try because I'm afraid of failing. An excuse to always be in a perpetual state of helping my family with their business endeavors. An excuse to be lazy waiting for someone to do something for me. I don't know if this became a mental program for me when I was 12 or if that again is another excuse. What I do know now is that I'm more driven and determined than ever in focusing on myself and not expecting others to do things for me. We create our own luck and life is a beautiful journey when we accept it.